Hurt

You are poison to my heart and soul.
I can’t breathe because the poison spread to my core.
Everything I was, you crushed it mercilessly,
Everything I’ll be,
An ash, dust and a memory.

I was someone full of Beauty,
But now I am someone without being me.
Remember the feelings that you gave me,
Remember me, when you hide yourself in tears.

I’ll be gone before you find me,
far from here, far from everything,
that tormented me.

I wish you never hurt me
I wish you never scare me,
I wish I was only yours,
I wish that you could understand
me and my soul.

Free

I want to be free. I really want to be free. Free from burdens, free from life, free from societies up bringing culture and pressure. I want to be free from Love. I want to be free from You.

It’s my Birthday today. Before I was always very happy on this particular day. I was happy to think that I’ve experienced 1 more year and was excited about the coming years.

After all this time have passed, all those excitements are gone. But I appreciate to come to this world and experience all this things. I appreciate my mom to take care of me. I appreciate my dad to give me all those indulgences when I was a kid. I appreciate my one and only sister to love me, to take care of me, to give the whole world to me. Because of her I never really felt that much to live without parents. Cause she gave me the love of parents and a sister.

Literally she is the only one who gave me my life. It’s really too hard to explain things about her and what she is to me and what she didn’t do for me. My one and only family that always stood beside me like my own shadow. Well she is my shadow.

You did everything whatever you could. So please never feel that you couldn’t do anything for me, you couldn’t raise me. At least you raised a parson with a weak heart who can love people, who can understand people, who can fight people. You made me who I am today.

You are the one who gave me life. Don’t ever forget that. I owe you everything. I know in time I have changed. People, situations gave me that chance. We both have changed but deep inside my love for you have never changed. It remained same. I’m still your little one, I’m still your Moni, Tiya pakhi 🙂 I haven’t forgotten that yet. the sweetest adorable way you used to cal me and adore me.

If anything has left here still in me, that’s because of you. I’m still fighting and moving forward because of you. 🙂 I wish I could show you somehow what you mean to me. you are so far away, so distant but still you are my one only sister, a mother that I can run into.

I know today I’m not the same person anymore. I’m cold and soulless. But I would like you to remember me who I was, not what I’m today.

Thank you Tipi. I appreciate everything you have done for me till today. I may not be the best sister you expected me to be but I’m me. It’s not only you who is disappointed in me, but also those whom I came to know over the years, whom I loved and care are all disappointed at me and they left me. You are the only foolish one who still staying beside me. So today I pay all my gratitude to you for raising me and being there for me.

Thank you. I love you with all my soul. I hope you will forgive me.

Yours 🙂

Me.

Finding Myself

I’m going through a transition. I guess this will be the biggest change in my life. Either I fall or I rise. I’m beginning to think a lot deeper about myself, my life, my surroundings, my world. Who am I?

Who am I? Where does this Me come from? When actually this Me was born? How I was born? What’s the purpose of my life? What do I want? What do this me want from me? Where in the end I’ll stand? Who are those people who wants me, loves me cares about me? Or is it just my thoughts that is trying to say that someone somewhere is there to love me, to embrace me, to care about me?

Everything seems so cloudy and dark at times. No matter how far, deep I try to get inside this thoughts, sometimes or most of the times I can’t figure them out. But I know somewhere inside something wants to know more about this self of mine. One questions that often haunts me is that Who am I or What am I?

How can I find all these answers and finally be able to find myself?  Only questions are piling up in my thoughts. Everyday more and more. I have began to question myself about everything that I have experienced in life so far.

Who am I? – I noticed this thought comes to mind when you feel insecure about yourself and vulnerable. I am definitely in a situation that makes me feel like I’m right now fragile. I’m right now vulnerable. What is it that is triggering me? To be true my emotions, my feelings to understand those emotions, to feel it deeply, to be able to see through the thoughts, the people, the situation, to Love someone is the things that is triggering me.

This urge to know myself is overwhelming. Never before I ever thought about myself like this. Never. I have always put everyone else before me. Always loved people before me. Always took care of people before me. My love for Humans are a bit too much that I have lost myself in that. Or the other way I found myself in that. Not only it affects my personal life but it affects my work too. I get attach to my subjects, to those on whom I work on. my work becomes part of me. Finally being able to choose what I love to do most is to observe. That gives me the ability to define, to determine, to love to listen.

But that one things is crucial for my existence. It gives the eye, the voice, the words, the thoughts and adds the silence to my soul. I’ve decided to find myself, my soul. Break through the taboos and polish it all.

I always wanted someone to stand by me. By now I’ll stand by myself. Get out of the illusions of life and finally search for myself.

Have you ever thought like this about yourself? We always think about others. Maybe now it’s time to think about ourselves than others. Most of all think about our Happiness. Not by adding someone special in your life to break you down to pieces but by yourself.

It stills hurts to walk alone in life. It’s hard. But it’s worth it. Makes us who we are. We always have a choice. I am making my choice.

My choice is not to break down, my choice is not to fall apart. My choice is to become the person who once knew how the warmth a heart can be. How it is to have everything and not to have anything, how it is to have someone and then you don’t know if you have someone at all.

Strange isn’t it? That’s life. Now you are reading a part of someones Life. That is fascinating, that is amazing, that’s the truth and that is what attracts me towards Human, to their souls, to the stories.

If you find anything similar to my stories, please feel free to say it out loud. There is no shame to admit what life gives you. There is no shame to find yourself. And there is no shame to Love yourself for others.

 

 

Soul Bound

If you were really worried about someone, something, what you would have done? you would have try to call them, find them anyway possible? Right? By any means I’d have done anything possible to find the person that I’m worried about.

The difference between us is that some don’t care or worry about another. They don’t bother. And some they care, they worry, they bother.

When you look at the balances of life deeply, it’s tragically ironic and mysterious. Sad and exciting. But now a days the numbers of people who cares, loves and bother are decreasing. People are too cold. Warmth in their soul is gone. No matter what everything has come down to a business. It’s the Business of life. A game with the souls and the feelings.

One day mankind will lose this game with each other. When they will realize, it will be too late. It will be too late to say Sorry.

So feel each others hearts, the soul. Love each other genuinely. Care for one another.

If you love someone , love them with all they have. Everyone is imperfect in this world. Don’t try to find perfect. There is a beauty in an imperfect soul. Appreciate it.

Inspirations Of Life: Taline, My Soul Sister

A smile, softness, strength, courage, wisdom, kindness comes to my mind when I think of her. 🙂

We met in 2010 in a circumstances that no one would have thought to meet like that. 🙂 Of course it all began at Ben’s place. One Birthday Party, One beautiful moment of changing life. Bringing two different people close to each other and made them friends forever.

Yes that’s where I 1st met her. And then we kept in touch and became more than friends. More like a sister.

We have been through ups and downs. We have been through things together. May be we were far away from each other but we were just there for each other when we needed or not needed. 🙂 I guess that’s how it is to be friends, to be best friends. 🙂

All those silly, crazy things we did together, cry together, laugh together, when ever we got the chance to be together we, never missed that. I’m so glad that I have her in my life. She is always there for me in my good times, in my sorrows, my pain, my happiness.

I can always trust her, always go back to her if I needed to hide, to cry, to depend on to push me when I need the most. An amazing soul to be with.

I’m So so Blessed that I have her with me, my half-sister 🙂 we are not bonded by blood, but we are bounded by our souls.

At this point we know no matter how far we are our hearts are always connected and we can find that peace in each other.

I love you Taline. Thank you so much for always being there for me and being my friend. Without you I would have been lost :P. Thank you for trusting me and believe in me.

As you are there for me like a shadow, I’ll always be there for you. Your strength, strong will, your kindness, your beauty and love is something special to treasure. Thank you for being my most precious best friend. I’m so glad we made it this far. 🙂

Bisous ma belle.

Inspirations Of Life: Benoit

I was thinking what should I be writing when it comes to write about your friends, your loved ones, the people who inspires you, who motivates you. What should you be writing about those people who has a great impact on your life.

Honestly right now I don’t know what should be the title for this serious. But i have decided to introduce those important people of my life who were, are there for me always. No matter who I am, where I am, what I am, they accept me as I am, An imperfect human being.

Today I will start with one of my closes friend who was always there for me and still around me so that I never give up on life.

                                                                                                         BENOIT

Dhaka, Bangladesh April 07, 2014: Ben

To me he is Ben. People knows him as a friend, a father, a lover, a son, a brother, a jolly and a funny guy. But to me he is my Best friend who supported me all through the time we know each other. He was there my side physically or mentally always. A friend that is actually a true friend who is always there for your good and bad times. To share the joy and happiness and be there when you need a should to cry on or to trust. A friend I’m proud of to call my Friend.

All this time he was the only one who was always helping me whenever i needed a person to talk, to cry, to babble about, to rely on, to hang out and to laugh our asses off. 🙂 Over the years we have built this relationship, built this precious friendship that I never thought I can have.

He is always giving me the strength when i need it,

scolding me to death when I actually need it,

kick me to move forward and counsel me when I’m about to give up.

I’m saying this, yes he is a friend who did whatever he could when I had no one beside me.

So Ben know thy I Love you a lot. I appreciate that you are my friend. You keep my secrets, my faults, my trust. I’ll always remember you and always be there for you. Thank you for being here with me, for kicking me when I was down and for keeping my soul sane with your kindness and your words. You are a friend always to treasure, to love.

I’m grateful that we have met and we are close friend. Thank you mon ami.

Bisous 🙂